I am going to do it. I have made up my mind. These are the first few words of the newโฆ the best โฆ the Longest Text In The Entire History Of The Known Universe! This Has To Have Over 35,000 words the beat the current world record set by that person who made that flaming chicken handbooky thingy. I might just be saying random things the whole time I type in this so you might get confused a lot. I just discovered something terrible. autocorrect is on!! no!!! this has to be crazy, so I will have to break all the English language rules and the basic knowledge of the average human being. I am not an average human being, however I am special. no no no, not THAT kind of special ;). Why do people send that wink face! it always gives me nightmares! it can make a completely normal sentence creepy. imagine you are going to a friendโs house, so you text this: [ see you soon ] seems normal, right? But what is you add the word semi to that colon? (Is that right? or is it the other way around) what is you add a lorry to that briquettes? (Semi-truck to that coal-on) anyway, back to the point: [ see you soon ]THAT IS JUST SO CREEPY! is that really your friend, or is it a creepy stalker watching your every move? Or even worse, is it your friend who is a creepy stalker? maybe you thought it was your friend, but it was actually your fri end (let me explain: you are happily in McDonalds, getting fat while eating yummy food and some random dude walks up and blots out the sun (he looks like a regular here) you canโt see anything else than him, so you canโt try to avoid eye contact. he finishes eating his cheeseburger (more like horseburgher(I learned that word from the merchant of Venice(which is a good play(if you can understand it(I can cause I got a special book with all the words in readable English written on the side of the page(which is kinda funny because Shakespeare was supposed to be a good poet but no-one can understand him(and heโs racist in act 2 scene1 of the play too))))))) and sits down beside you , like you are old pals (youโve never met him before but he looks like he could be in some weird cult) he clears his throat and asks you a very personal question. โcan i have some French fries?โ (I donโt know why there called French fries when Iโve never seen a French person eat fries! all they eat it is stuff like baguettes and crรชpes and rats named ratty-two-ee which is a really fun game on the PlayStation 2) And you think {bubbly cloud thinking bubble} โHahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehhehehehehโฆ..heeeheehe..heheโฆ sigh. I remember that i was just about to eat one of my fries when I noticed something mushy and moist and [insert gross color like green or brown] on the end of one of my fries! now I can give it to this NERD!! โ (yes he is a nerd because all he does all day is watch the extended editions of the hobbit, lord of the rings and star wars and eat fat cakes (what the heck is a fat cake? I think it might be like a Twinkie or something)and twinkies(wow so is doesnโt really matter which is which because he eats both(i may have just done that so I didnโt have to Google what a fat cake is (right now I am typing on my iPhone 3gs anyway, which has a broken antenna so i canโt get internet anyway (itโs actually a really funny story that iโll tell you sometime)))and sit in his man cave with his friend named Joe (an ACTUAL friend, not a fri end)and all Joe does is watch sports like football with bob and all bob does is gamble ferociously (donโt ask(it means he buys all those bags of chips that say โwin a free monkey or something if you find a banana in your bag*โ(if there is a little star it means there is fine print so I always check the back of the package) flips over the package okay, it says: โone of our workers accidentally threw a banana in the packing machine and we donโt want to get sued so we did this promotion thingโ cool. Oh wow, this is salt and vinegar! my favourite! i hate cheese and onion.))and thatโs pretty much his life, he lives in Jamaica with Naruto and his friends) so you give him that gross fri end he throws up all over you and me and the worker behind the counter who was still making an onion, and THAT is the story of the fri end, not a friend who somehow remembered your name and your phone number / email so he could text you saying he would come to your house soon. finally takes a breath after typing a few hundred words about fri-ends so what now? i know, i know, you think i ramble too much and use too many brackets (i donโt) but now i am going to talk about my amAZEing day. first i woke up, ate choco pops for breakfast even tho i always hate it when people say that cause i get jealous and super hungry. then iโฆ ummโฆ yea! that was my day. you know that other person i mentioned before? that flaming chicken person? WELL. i will steal something from that person but do it better. i willโฆ drum roll please โฆ badabadabadabadabadabadabummmmmmmmmmmchshchshchshchshbadabadboumboumpoopoopichypichypichypowpow-crash! a drum roll was just playing in the background that drumroll was so long i forget what i was talking about. scrolls up to see what he was writing about oh yea! i will make my own FLAMING CHICKEN HANDBOOK! what things do i like? instead of flaming it could be rainbow, instead of chicken it could be fluffysheep and instead of handbook it could be handbook (not very creative, i know) but the total complete name is now to rainbow fluffysheep handbook! to make life easier for you guys, instead of taking random rules out of book willy nilly, i will take them out using my favourite numbers! so, section 5040 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook states that the king of all oddly coloured farm animals (thats me!) is allowed to tell you any part out of this book randomly or if it is his one of his favorite numbers! 5040 is a great number because it is divisible by 60 integers which i donโt know. iโm tired. it is 10:41 and i am getting sleepyโฆ hey hey hey! an intruder! remember that from pokepals rulers of time and darkness or something like that! with piplup and sunflora and chimchar! whaoh piplup is really hard to write on a tiny qwerty keyboard! try it! i realised that asdf is actually written in order on the qwerty keyboard! (just in case you didnโt know, asdf is an amazing short video clips cartoony thing on youtube i first learned bout on flipnote hatena, which is now shut down ) what if one day they get rid of the qwerty keyboard completely! i will type it out for you just in case one day they get rid of it. qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm. there u go. Goodbye. Iโm back! i decided that i should tell you about fonts. i always used the same font for my whole life, called arial. the reason is probably because it is on the top of the list in alphabetical order, and i was too lazy to scroll all the way down. only a few months ago did i finally decide to change my mind. i scrolled for what seemed to be an eternity, and i finally got toโฆ are you ready โฆ arial black. yep, that was my big SCROLLING ADVENTURE! just yesterday, i was typing something on google docs and i found the new best font : roboto. its great! i could choose from FIVE different thicknesses. isnโt that amazing? right now we are driving behind a really slow โfarm plastics collectionโ semi. i think i know someone obsessed with pokemon, but i canโt tell you who it is. he keeps making pokepals references and stuff. wow! you are a very loyal reader! if you have REALLY made it this far then youโฆ get a gold star on your loyalty chart! good job! this is looking to be the longest text ever, considering that this was all written in one day. i donโt understand sandwiches. if you were to eat bread, mayo and tomatoes separately it would be disgusting! you know all those fancy magazines/restaurants that always have really fancy food pictures with meat and brussels sprouts and all the old people say โwow! that looks great!โ and you think {bubble thing} โit looks like the worst thing anyone could ever eatโ and the you eat it and it tastes surprisinglyโฆ WORSE than you imagined! gotta goโฆ im back! ive ive got stuff to say! your probably thinkingโฆ HoW DoEs He HaVe So MuCh FrEe TiMe?!?! And the answer isโฆ i donโt. thatโs right. this isnโt just some SIDE project. iโve gotta make time to do this if wanna get the world record. for all i know, the flaming chicken opponent who i will refer to from now on as sam (i donโt know why) is probably still adding to her posts. (i think i picked sam because it sounds like ham which is like cooked meat and so is flaming chicken, so you will remember that now ) i am officially going to make a quote from the rainbow fluffysheep handbook of knowledge and prestige (sounds catchy, huh?) . section 777 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook STATES that the king of oddly colored farm animals
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